You’re Not You

{Since my words about my own experience
have been taken and used out of context
to praise who himself has done so much harm
while slighting those who have done none,
I moved the poem originally posted here
to a more private setting where my history
of being victim of abuse will be understood
and treated with grace and sensitivity.}

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5 Responses to You’re Not You

  1. *snort*

    I’d thank you for helping me laugh soup up my nose over this bit beating myself up over old scars of my own, but please don’t do so again, Maggie. I stopped wasting my time trying to endlessly defend myself against her long ago, and I don’t care to engage in such stupid futility again. 

    Some people, you just can’t get through to them, for how they think everything is all about them. I confided way too much in her over how R stole all my friends (no quote marks necessary) from me. I trusted her way too much over how R came between me and D. I let her in way too much over how R drove me from my writing and scorned my beliefs. She knew way too much about everything about me, most of all my own self-doubts, but she so easily forgets and turns it all into some silliness about her own petty assaults on the perceived shortcomings of others judged not up to standards her very own faultfinding fails to live up to. Oh well, if nothing else I know whom not to look to for help to get me through this. I need a friend who will help me find myself. 

    Besides, she mistakes me for someone else. I’ve never used my words against friends like that, even a distant or past friend. I think it takes a miserably unhappy person going the wrong direction to do so. I’ve been known to use a negative word or two against R, but never once at her have I had anything but respect and love (even here, as in every other such complaint I’ve made in vain, where I’ve not found fault with her, but rather only object to how intolerant she is of others over things that aren’t what she thinks, in fact aren’t even about her). If she’d remembered anything at all about me, she would have known without question how deeply this poem was directed at my own struggle toward rebirth. 

    My loving regards to S. I wish I could be there with her and hers on their special day. Truly blessed be. 

  2. maggie says:

    Careful, Cyn. Remember your faith. Never return ill will with ill. And even when your love is unwanted, never quit loving.

    • I know, Mag, I do know. If I didn’t love her and care for her so, I would just shrug at how she’s letting him suffocate everything of her that he can’t possess and control – it’s taking her right on back to where she was for most of her life. And I sure as hell don’t appreciate her using my words as a springboard to lie about friends of hers that have been directly attacked by him to ensure his conquest. She does know what he is stealing from her, and she does know exactly what he did to her friends. OK, that’s her choice. Just, don’t come using my words to mask it. My poem was about the pain of abuse. Why does she have to mock my pain like that? She can let him possess her however she pleases, I’ll be very sorry to see, but using my words to celebrate his conquest is inexcusably wrong of her. I won’t retaliate, no, but it is still wrong of her.

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