Inseparable

⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀—for Mag
⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀They did try to help.
⠀⠀⠀⠀My friends and family.
⠀⠀⠀⠀My lover. My doctors.
⠀⠀⠀⠀The authorities. Strangers.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They all tried to help me.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They could see what you had done.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They could tell what you could do.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They could imagine the worst.
⠀⠀⠀⠀So they did try.
⠀⠀⠀⠀And I let them try.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Why not? What harm could they do?
⠀⠀⠀⠀Who knows, maybe it might have worked.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have stopped hurting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have eventually healed.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe the scars would have faded.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have forgotten.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have stopped counting days.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have stopped looking up.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have stopped expecting.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I would have stopped aging.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe the magic would still be there for me.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I wouldn’t keep thinking about us.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe I wouldn’t keep hurting myself.
⠀⠀⠀⠀But dark windows are empty for me now.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Open waters are still for me now.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Even my own body is silent, absent its rhythm.
⠀⠀⠀⠀I can still feel you in me, by how big the hole is.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They don’t know me, not without you.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They can’t tell what’s what, not with you gone.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They watch above the ancient stones and see nothing.
⠀⠀⠀⠀They should do me a favor and stop.
⠀⠀⠀⠀There is no future. There is no you.
⠀⠀⠀⠀There is nothing to believe. There is no you.
⠀⠀⠀⠀There is no me. No you.

[margin notes]
 
 


prompted by Out of Standard: Blue Moon Special
at the imaginary garden with real toads

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17 Responses to Inseparable

  1. Sherry Marr says:

    Such a painful way to feel. You have expressed it so well, that feeling after devastating loss.

  2. Mama Zen says:

    Beautiful, powerful write.

  3. Helen Dehner says:

    This is so full of raw emotion, it is difficult to read ~~~ impossible not to read.

  4. Margaret says:

    … by how big the hole is.
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀They don’t know me, not without you.

    I don’t know what to say. It’s exquisitely, painfully sad.

  5. isadoragruye says:

    open waters are still for me now, was a brilliant line.

  6. This is so painful…it breaks my heart.

  7. Marian says:

    reads like a mantra. beautiful and touching.

  8. othermary says:

    ⠀”I can still feel you in me, by how big the hole is.”
    That line says it all for me.

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