Excuse

        
                           Someone was bound to do it.
                           He’s not even original.
                           The Texas entrepreneur whose vehicle decal
                           ties up an abused woman
                           thrown in the bed of a pick-up.
                           Decal sales have jumped.
                           Oh.
                           Profit justifies.
                           So domestic abuse is a problem
                           only when there’s no money in it?
                           Then why stop with decals?
                           Design a fashion line of ripped and bloody clothing.
                           Market alcohol with abuse slogans,
                           endorsements from guys who beat the rap.
                           Oh, profit justifies.
                           And when one near and dear to our profiteer
                           suffers domestic violence,
                           the defense can sign a book deal
                           advertised on blood-stained billboards
                           and sell battered, bruised blow-up dolls.
                           Oh, how profit justifies.
                           
                           Now may the gods and goddess curse me
                           giving abuse profiteers more free advertising.
                           I’ve no good excuse.
                           No profit justifies wanting dignity for women.
        

        


                 revised 17 Sep 2013
thanks to comments by Eva

       

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17 Responses to Excuse

  1. may the gods and goddess bless you for bringing it up, ty. and i think this one of your poems i need to return to, but i can say that bruises heal sooner than words.

  2. Your image choices are great, effective and unforgettable–espceically the woman in the back of the truck.
    On another level, this is the first of your poems where “I” want to sit down with a pencil and start trying to find ways to tighten it, sharpen its edges into a scapel, write it into a lethal weapon…’do you read me, cyn’? I hope so.

    **
    tlc iggy galore

    • Oh my, I welcome such advice!! Sharpen away!!

      Especially today. I’m in a rather foul mood. You won’t need to let that worry you that I’ll bite your head off for any constructive suggestions, even if I disagree. I’m just a bit pissed at the “to each his own” and “don’t be judgmental” mentality about domestic abuse. Chalk it up to the soreness I still feel from the broken hip I suffered being thrown down a flight of stairs by someone I’m supposed to just accept the way he is.

      As I comment elsewhere, off-Iggy time today is steering toward prose. If you want to help me make that lethal too, be my guest.

      Cyn

      • Domestic abusers get let off in so many ways–and f up so many people along the way.
        broken hips
        battered brains
        busted hearts
        The “to each his own” crowd never dealt with the consequences, collateral damage, of a domestic abuser.

        Considering the sharpening seriously. If it seems like an improvement, will share. No worried.
        I’m moving ‘slow’ today, so your foul mood is just fine by me.
        Btw, loved the bread baking comment. That was wicked sweet to find. 🙂

        • Hello Cyn,– Comments to start. Take them or leave them–it’s all fine with me. No offences intended and none will be taken.
          Suggestions, observations and notes for your consideration. If they don’t suit your goals, no problem. They’re just the result of my responses as a reader and a writer along the lines of what I think I would do with this poem to strengthen it–and possibly the other poem inside of it.

          Note: For ease of reference I have divided this poem into 6 distinct parts according to first words of each:
          1-Someone was bound
          2-Get real
          3-Loosen up
          4-Don’t be judgmental
          5-And when
          6-But may

          One thought: Put parts 1, 5, and 6 together in order for one ‘tighter’ treatment of the specific subject. These sections are the strongest and can work together as a coherent whole.

          Second thought Develop parts 2, 3, 4 further for creating another poem. I can see how these work with the other sections–BUT–they are much less effective than 1,5,6. Either develop so they can stand stronger on their own as a whole or go to third thought. As they are together and separately they’re much weaker than 1,5,6..

          Third thought: Develop parts 2, 3,4 for stronger incorporation with 1, 5, 6.

          Thematically there is the issue of using abuse of women as a marketing/profit tool in 1, 5,6. Parts 2,3, 4, deal with other issues connected by other sorts of ‘profit/coming out on top, coming out ahead’ as a justification for bad behavior–other forms of abusing people.
          Hence. This all ‘works’ together to an extent–but as is, not as well as it could/should. Also the effectiveness of 1.5.6 is diminished by the detour through 2,3 4–for this reader’s brain-pan anyway.

  3. One way to revise:

    Someone was bound to do it eventually.
    He’s not the first.
    Texas entrepreneur designs a vehicle decal.
    Depicts abused bound woman thrown in bed of a pick-up.
    Sales jump.
    Oh, profit justifies
    I thought domestic abuse was a problem
    I guess that’s only when there’s no money in it
    Why stop with decals?
    Put out a line of ripped and bloody women’s clothing.
    Market alcohol with abuse slogans.
    Oh, profit justifies.
    When someone near and dear to Texas entrepreneur
    Suffers domestic violence,
    Defense attorney signs a book deal.
    Advertise on bloodstained billboards.
    Hawk cutting photographs.
    Market battered, bruised blow-up dolls.
    Profit justifies.

    May the gods and goddesses curse me for bringing it up.
    News has given him too much free advertising.
    No profit margin justifies my wanting dignity for women.

    • Hmm,
      Perhaps:
      Advertises
      Hawks
      Markets.
      Either way works.

      • I never much liked my “hawks” which was what I heard my voices first saying and which must be what I feel is being done because I hear it behind any other variation I’ve tried so far. Part of the problem there is fitting it in with the “cutting” which maybe needs to follow the middle stanzas off to another poem.

        I’m growing less comfortable with the title, which felt better to me when I was using the incident that triggered me to hit on other excuses besides the one used by the Texas entrepreneur. Maybe my easiest title revision would be to go from the plural to the singular.

        Thanks for all your time and effort on this. My appreciation will be shown in the revised version, I’m thinking that’ll be this morning later.

        • Hey, it’s all works in progress. 🙂
          If it helps your work, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
          You need to go with what you ‘hear’.
          I agree, some sort of title change is in order too.
          Had the feeling there was a lot on your mind when you wrote this and it all came out together. It all shares common ground. Just depends on how you want to connect things.
          “Hawks” is a difficult word–one doesn’t hear it spoken too often. Yet, it has its individual power too.
          Interested to see where you take it all.
          Good morning.

          • My second version posted. Once again, thank you much much for your time and good suggestions, all.

            Mainly, I took your major revision, cutting the middle off. Those 3 pieces will reappear in other poems. Connecting back to my general theme here, but not clouding this one up.

            I took the general sense of your edits for the remnant, with my own further edits. Mainly, I liked the repetition coming through in the first stanza, for how it reverberates for me in my final line.

            The final line, I wanted to keep pretty much intact. Which your suggested version did. If read as loosely as the excuses of abusers and of those who excuse abuse or even market it, I want it to sound like there’s no justification for dignity for women. Because that’s exactly what their own actions and prevarications amount to: a gross denial of the most basic dignity for any and all women.

            But like each of my poems, I write with a mirror. So my final line is meant to point back to myself to say there need be NO justification given for wanting dignity. We shouldn’t have to excuse ourselves for demanding respect. Actually, the highest profits to society, to communities and families, and to every single individual comes when the exchange does not involve or rely on abuse, so it’s not that I’m saying there’s no commercial interest in dignity. Instead, I’m aiming to blast the excuse by claiming to need no excuse to expect dignity.

            Again, thanks for all your help. Of course, feel free to suggest any further changes to this.

            Cyn

            • I like your revision. The poem is much stronger and more effective than the first version.
              Glad I could be of some help regarding revision.

              Per your comment directly above–in the paragraph beginngin with “But like each of my poems..” I agree. And I had some difficulty with IF that point was meant to come across in your original version. The wording was unclear — but this was the thought I guess you were trying to express. There’s no money to be made—and YET, a culture in which women have dignit without having to demand it, where they are highly valued and respected –well that benefits everyone–women, men, children.

              I’ll let it be then read it again latter to see if I can think of other suggestions.
              grins…thanks for the ‘fun’..

  4. titles:
    Profit Motive
    Justifies
    Profit Justifies
    ….hmmmm…maybe better later….

  5. Hmm just wandering around again sandboxes again….winks.

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